By Shmuel Zimmermanstein
What a week! I just moved into town, and the last few days I’ve had so many people come up to me and tell me I look just like some George Zimmerman fellow. I must say I’m getting pretty tired of the accusations. Can’t a man go about his business in peace without being accosted by a bunch of busybodies who clearly don’t know what this Zimmerman guy really looks like in the first place?
Oy vey!
Earlier today, for example, I was down at the DMV filling out an application for a new driver’s license. And wouldn’t you know, a gentile came up to me and started saying, “Wait a minute…I know who you are. That beard doesn’t fool me. Hey, everyone! It’s George Zimmerman. Let’s get him, guys!” And the people there had the chutzpah to pull at my beard and chase me out of the store. I must say, whoever this Zimmerman fellow is, he sure has a lot of enemies out there!
That is why I’d like to take the time to clear the air once and for all. My name is Shmuel Zimmermanstein. I am a simple son of a rabbi who was raised in the Bronx and recently moved to Florida to open up a….umm….bagel store. Yes, that’s it of course!
And to be honest, I would think people would be a little more welcoming to a new resident of the community. But obviously there is a lot of tension in this place, and I moved into town at the wrong time. All I am trying to do is go about my business, visiting several legal offices around the state in order to take care of certain documentation difficulties. Yet everywhere I go it’s George Zimmerman this, George Zimmerman that, and I am harassed and chased out of the premises.
So please, the next time you see me around town just know my name is Shmuel Zimmermanstein. I have no qualms with any of you. I just wish to operate my store in peace with my wife Rebekah, and everyone is welcome to come and enjoy our fresh bagels and lox. Well…everyone except the blacks of course.