In yet another blow to the NSA’s clandestine operations, an anonymous hacker has gained access to secret intel this morning and released a number of email and phone records from top officials. Some of the most scandalous information includes details about a top-secret office birthday party being planned for a programmer referred to only as ‘Dave S’. A segment from one email on the subject is provided below:
We must take the utmost caution in protecting the DS Party from the public and lower level employees at the NSA. Let’s meet at PC to discuss further action to make sure all goes smoothly when the big day comes.
While the hacker could not determine what exactly ‘PC’ stood for, he reports that it likely stands for either ‘Pentagon Central’, a secret room in the center of the Pentagon in which top-level briefings are held, or ‘Party City’, a celebration supplies chain store.
Noted leaker Julian Assange says that this type of covert proceeding is typical for organizations like the NSA and the information should be given to the public as soon as possible.
“This, like everything else I come in contact with on this planet, is an outrage. People in positions of power get a sick pleasure from knowing things that others do not, and once again we see the NSA abusing their power to hide important information from the public.”
This leak has also sparked concern from within the NSA as well. David Sanders, a programmer in the NSA’s Washington branch voiced his concern that high level officials are not being open about office proceedings.
“It’s very concerning. As a professional in the NSA’s top-level office in Washington, I am very troubled that I was not briefed on the proceedings that are being leaked. It is worrying to think that I or any of my closest colleagues could be the next ‘Dave S’. I just hope this all gets worked out before my birthday next week.”
Note: This article is satirical and does not reflect factual reporting.