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The island nation of Fiji has run out of water, according to its leaders. In a press conference just a few moments ago, Fijian President Epeli Nailatikau made a shocking announcement that the country has bottled up and shipped out the very last of its water supply due to a devastating miscalculation on a recent order.
“I’m afraid that due to a horrible mistake, there is no more water left in Fiji,” he announced to the citizens of the country in a live televised broadcast.
“I am told that the very last bottle of Fiji water was shipped to Germany this morning. We are left with nothing.”
The announcement was met with shock and distress from the nation’s people. Many immediately fled the island, while others have waited behind in hopes that the news is a mistake or some sort of cruel joke.
“Last night, I turned on my faucet and everything was normal,” says Ashmita Smith, a hotel concierge who has lived on the island her entire life.
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“Then this morning I go to make some tea, and nothing comes out of the faucet. The shower doesn’t work anymore either. I can’t believe this is actually happening.”
Officials in the Fijian government blame the disaster on a computer error. They say that six extra 0’s were mistakenly put on a measure of the country’s current water supply, leading the nation to agree to export more water than it currently owns. President Nailatikau has noted that this error will have grave consequences for the people of Fiji.
“Unfortunately, not only have we run out of water, but we still owe 750,000 bottles to a distributor in Japan. Accordingly, we must collect all future rainwater until that order is filled. It is safe to say that the country of Fiji is in big trouble.”
The government has been scrambling to provide support to citizens, but have struggled to generate manpower as most people on the island have become very thirsty.
“I am so sorry, everyone. I still can’t believe this happened,” the President continued in his address.
“I never thought a day would come when I would have to stand in front of the great nation of Fiji and tell them there is no more water in the country. I don’t know how a nation is supposed to operate without any water. It is the most important resource, and is essential for every living organism. I don’t know what to do,” he said as a teardrop formed in the corner of his left eye.
“We don’t have any water. There is no more water left in Fiji.”
Note: This article is satirical and is not based on factual reporting. As far as we know, there is still water in Fiji.
