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According to reports from across the nation, following yesterday’s midterm election results, citizens around the United States are expressing their excitement that a new crop of officials will take over, fall short of expectations, and take the blame for the structural problems plaguing the government and country as a whole.
“As Americans, we expect and demand that when we have a problem with our government, we vote in a new set of people every now and then so we have new faces to blame,” said unemployed electrician Dennis Weems.
“Allow me to use an allegory from my workplace. Imagine you had a broken lightbulb. Clearly, the best way to fix it would be to call the worst electricians in town, give them some duct tape, then call in new electricians once you get tired of the others’ failures. The government works the same way.”
One striking result of the election is the defeat of Tea Party candidates in several states. Ron Paul, an advocate of the group, told reporters that the organization wasn’t built to last forever.
“The Tea Party was a fun little project to get people distracted from the fact that the government as a whole is utterly broken from top to bottom,” he said.
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“Like any other third party, once Americans realized the group was mostly empty rhetoric and was no better equipped than the Democrats or Republicans to enact reform, people got tired of it.”
But while the Tea Party may be on its way to extinction, a new liberal third party has recently formed in hopes of taking its place. The group is called ‘The Freedom Party’, and on its agenda will include items like reforestation and gun control. But in the first official statement from party leaders, they caution Americans not to get their hopes up as they have already had 54 bills struck down in Congress only a day after the elections.
After being informed of the election results, President Obama provided his take in a brief press conference at the White House this morning.
“Which issue are we doing here? New representatives? Eh… screw it I don’t have time for this one, let’s do an early lunch and do Obamacare in the afternoon,” he said.
Sources confirmed that at press time, the Freedom Party had its 55th bill voted down while Obama and his team got lunch at Arby’s.
Note: This article is satirical and does not reflect factual reporting.
