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Black Friday has arrived, and here at JDJournal we want make sure you are alerted to the hottest deals of the day. We’ve scoured stores across the country, and provided a list of the best bargains we could find to pass the savings onto you!
Product: Relaxing holiday
Cost: Free
Available: No Stores
– For a limited time only, Americans who don’t have to work on Friday can enjoy a nice, relaxing day at home for no price whatsoever. By simply not going to a crowded store, for example by staying home with family, anyone can appreciate this product for an amazingly low price.
Product: Leftover Chicken Parm Sandwich
Cost: 23 cents
Available: Brian Cole’s house, 1220 Wynwood Ave, Corpus Christi, TX 78362
– Brian only ate about a quarter of this fine chicken parmesan sandwich from a local Olive Garden yesterday, and is ready to give food connoisseurs a once-in-a-lifetime bargain on the item. He says it has been kept safe in his fridge overnight, and anyone interested is welcome to use his toaster to heat it up.
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Product: G5 Carbine Assault Rifle (5 pack)
Cost: $34.95
Available: Online, retailers across the country
– Nothing says holiday cheer like a 5 pack of deadly assault rifles. The G5 was released in 2012, and has been featured in over 10 mass shootings since this time. Customers looking for a weapon capable of killing hundreds of people in a matters of minutes won’t find a better price than this.
Product: Industrial Conveyor Belt Repair Kit
Cost: $450
Available: Stan’s Industrial Repair Supplies Store
– Head to Stan’s in Applewood, Oklahoma, and you’ll find an incredible bargain on a popular product. Usually listed at $495, customers who buy this product between 3am-4:30am can take advantage of this fantastic deal.
Product Sony 72” HD Television Set (250 Pack)
Cost: $9,000
Available: Best Buy
– For a limited time only, individuals in search of 250 television sets can save when shopping at Best Buy this Friday. Ideal for a customer looking to open a Buffalo WIld Wings Franchise.
Product: Happiness
Cost: 792 million dollars
Available: Walmart, Costco, Sears (select locations)
– This is one bargain you do not want to miss! Large retailers are slashing prices for happiness, which usually can run between 2-5 billion dollars depending on supply. Walmart is also offering life satisfaction bundled with happiness for only 7 billion dollars.
Note: This article is satirical and does not reflect factual reporting
