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    Categories: Law Life

Best of Black Friday Deals

Black Friday has arrived, and here at JDJournal we want make sure you are alerted to the hottest deals of the day. We’ve scoured stores across the country, and provided a list of the best bargains we could find to pass the savings onto you!

Product: Relaxing holiday
Cost: Free
Available: No Stores

– For a limited time only, Americans who don’t have to work on Friday can enjoy a nice, relaxing day at home for no price whatsoever. By simply not going to a crowded store, for example by staying home with family, anyone can appreciate this product for an amazingly low price.

Product: Leftover Chicken Parm Sandwich
Cost: 23 cents
Available: Brian Cole’s house, 1220 Wynwood Ave, Corpus Christi, TX 78362

– Brian only ate about a quarter of this fine chicken parmesan sandwich from a local Olive Garden yesterday, and is ready to give food connoisseurs a once-in-a-lifetime bargain on the item. He says it has been kept safe in his fridge overnight, and anyone interested is welcome to use his toaster to heat it up.

Product: G5 Carbine Assault Rifle (5 pack)
Cost: $34.95
Available: Online, retailers across the country

– Nothing says holiday cheer like a 5 pack of deadly assault rifles. The G5 was released in 2012, and has been featured in over 10 mass shootings since this time. Customers looking for a weapon capable of killing hundreds of people in a matters of minutes won’t find a better price than this.

Product: Industrial Conveyor Belt Repair Kit
Cost: $450
Available: Stan’s Industrial Repair Supplies Store

– Head to Stan’s in Applewood, Oklahoma, and you’ll find an incredible bargain on a popular product. Usually listed at $495, customers who buy this product between 3am-4:30am can take advantage of this fantastic deal.

Product Sony 72” HD Television Set (250 Pack)
Cost: $9,000
Available: Best Buy

– For a limited time only, individuals in search of 250  television sets can save when shopping at Best Buy this Friday. Ideal for a customer looking to open a Buffalo WIld Wings Franchise.

Product: Happiness
Cost: 792 million dollars
Available: Walmart, Costco, Sears (select locations)

– This is one bargain you do not want to miss! Large retailers are slashing prices for happiness, which usually can run between 2-5 billion dollars depending on supply. Walmart is also offering life satisfaction bundled with happiness for only 7 billion dollars.

Note: This article is satirical and does not reflect factual reporting

Jonah: