Opinion: Alright Kid, if This Video is Going Viral You’re Going to Have to Cuten Up

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by Bert Housler, local dad and producer

Ok, I got the video camera on…Debbie, does that lighting look good to you? It isn’t too dark? We want to accentuate his eyes, remember that. Ok, are we all good here? Looks good on my end…we have the cat ready to go… and we’re recording…

  

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…everything ok Jack? What’s wrong? You know the script right? Just go to the cat and do something cute. I know you’re only five months old buddy but it’s really not too tough here. Just act cute with the cat. Don’t worry about lines, or anything, just improvise and act cute like we all know you can do.

Brian, how’s our audio? Excellent, thanks bud. I promise you’ll be in the next one, alright? You know the holiday season is prime time for baby videos. We both know that, right Brian? Just gotta use our heads, not take things personally, ok? We’re good? We’re good, Brian? And…we’re good, ok, let’s try this again…

…cut, cut, cut! What is going on here? Jack, don’t just stare at it, you have to engage with it! I do not believe that 200 million people on YouTube will want to watch some creeped out baby staring at a cat, Jack! Use some common sense, would you bud?

Maybe for this next take we could have you sneeze on the cat, Jack? How does that sound to you? Debbie, do you like that idea? I think that could help us corner the preteen market and maybe get some male college students in on the action. They love the physical gags. Yeah, I’m liking this idea, let’s try that. Ok, places, everyone!

…alright let’s stop here. I have to admit I’m pretty impressed you managed to follow my instruction and get yourself to sneeze on command Jack but to be honest it didn’t do it for me. Maybe we could get the cat to sneeze somehow? Debbie? Any thoughts on this?

No Debbie, that isn’t going to work. Don’t you remember what happened the last time we got bowling balls involved? Do you really want to lose another child to the state, Deb? Use your head, honey.

Now listen here Jack, you look ridiculous out there and you’re mom isn’t talking sense so you’re just going to have to trust my instruction, ok? Sneeze on the cat, Jack… gently…nice and cute…make daddy proud…

…You’re going to be a star, little buddy. A big, bright, shining star.