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According to her friends, family, and therapists from around the globe, local bartender Meredith Samson still has not been able to process the finale of the television show ‘Lost’ and gain closure with her relationship with the program.
“I just don’t understand…how did the Man in Black become mortal again? And is it just me or did Jack die like 6 times in that episode? I just don’t understand what happened,” she said to anyone around her willing to listen.
Her friends say she was always a fan of the show, so her excitement over the finale initially did not cause concern. But eventually, they realized Meredith may have a significant problem.
“At first, nothing seemed out of the ordinary. I didn’t watch the show myself, but I just figured it was a very confusing and dramatic finale,” said Jim Small, a close friend of Meredith’s in an exclusive interview with JDJournal.
“But she just wouldn’t drop it. Days turned to months turned to years, and she was still talking about it all the time. Eventually we had to sit her down and say, ‘Meredith, sweetie, we think it’s time for you to get help with this Lost issue.'”
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Her family says they have visited with mental health experts across the world to seek help for Meredith’s condition. They say they have tried various techniques including behavioral therapy, electroconvulsive shock treatment, and have recently begun work with a German analytic psychologist. He says this case has been one of the most fascinating of his career.
“In my 70 years of practicing the Freudian method in my native Germany, I have never seen a case quite like this,” he said as he rubbed his glasses with a small handkerchief.
“I think it is evident that the subject has deep-rooted trauma, and that this television program has given her a reprieve from thinking about whatever terrible thing happened to her.”
“In essence, I believe that while she may fully understand what happened in the series finale of ‘Lost’, her subconscious will not permit the program to end in her mind until she resolves her own mental drama. You might say it is she, who is ‘lost’. And until we find her, she may never stop talking about this ridiculous show.”
While her prognosis has yet to be decided, Samson seems to understand the dire ramifications of her circumstance.
“I just…I just don’t get that episode at all,” she said.
“And it’s killing me inside.”
Note: This article is satirical and does not reflect the opinions of any real person.
