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Summary: Cosmopolitan magazine published 5 reasons to date a lawyer.Â
Cosmopolitan is famous for its sex tips and covers with celebrities sporting va-va-voom hair. But now the glossy is venturing into the sex lives of lawyers, and their blanketed outlook is delightfully (or hilariously) optimistic, depending on your point of view.
In general, we get it. People are obsessed with lawyers and want to date them. Why else would there be so many legal shows? Non-lawyers think all lawyers are rich, confident, and glamourous; and if they can’t go to law school themselves, then dating a lawyer is the next best thing, right?
Well, maybe.
Earlier this year, Cosmo released a list of 5 reasons to date a lawyer because they said, “[Lawyers] are a perfect mix of class and elegance!” While it seems that maybe no one over there had ever really hung out with an attorney, it was fun to read their reasons anyway.
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Cosmo reason 1: “Lawyers are witty and well mannered.”
While attorneys have to be intelligent to get into law school, graduate, pass the bar, and make a living, that doesn’t guarantee that they all have amazing social skills to match their book smarts. But Cosmo believes all attorneys, male or female, are Benedict Cumberbatchs at parties.
“They’ll impress wherever they go,” Cosmo wrote. “And when they speak, they’ll leave your friends green with envy!”
It’s duly noted that Cosmo mentioned nothing about attorneys’ penchant for drinking, which often can make any old dud the life of a party, no matter their occupation.
- Related: “What Jobs Are Better than Lawyer?”
Cosmo reason 2: “They always look good.”
While this reason may be superficial, lawyers do dress up more than most other professions, with clothing that is more conservative than trendy. So they have a point here. A nice suit can elevate anyone, and a nice suit on an already attractive person means mega hot status. Just look at legal superstars like Amal Clooney or Chief Justice John G. Roberts Jr.
However, Cosmo’s reasoning got a little absurd when they added, “There’s no need to be scared they’ll dress inappropriately when you want to introduce them to friends,” as if that’s a common problem…
Cosmo reason 3: “They have financial stability and good prospects.”
“They won’t be parasites to you, since they have an amazing profession! You’re covered!” Cosmo said about lawyers. This point works for BigLaw attorneys pulling in six figures annually, but Cosmo didn’t seem to take into account the thousands of other attorneys saddled with massive student loan debt. So for all the gold diggers, dating just any old lawyer isn’t a guaranteed pay day, but it is safe to say that if you date an attorney, you’ll probably never have to eat at an Arby’s again.
Cosmo reason 4. “They’re very supportive.”
The pay structure for lawyers is by the hour, which means they’re usually overworked and exhausted in order to buy those nice clothes and earn that paycheck that Cosmo likes so much. So although yes, some attorneys have a caring personality deep down, they’re often too exhausted to listen to their date whine about Sheila in accounting. Man, why is she rude? Anyway, Cosmo’s statement, “[Lawyers] give support to people every day. They’ll do much more for their boo,” doesn’t seem too realistic.
And also… how many lawyers call their lovers “boo?”
Cosmo reason 5: “They love discussions and arguments, so you never get bored”
The hopefulness of Cosmo’s article reaches a three exclamation point crescendo when it writes, “You’ll constantly be entertained with arguments, sound discussions and very good stories!” (If the lawyer isn’t so tired..,) “You’ll always learn new things, and there’s never gonna be a dull moment for you!” (Again, tired) “They’ll give you the biggest deal ever, cos you’ll never have to pay for legal services!!!” (This one could be true, but why do to that to your boo?!)
While we could all point out Cosmo’s naïveté, maybe it’s more fun to enter their shiny, glamourous world where lawyers all act like Atticus Fitch and look like Josh Charles and Juliana Marguiles.
What do you think of Cosmo’s list? Let us know in the comments below.
Photo courtesy of Wikimedia
