Opinion: Maybe it is Time to Legalize Marijuana, Man

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by John McCain

In case you missed it, I recently came out to announce that I am willing to support legalization of marijuana if that is the will of the American people. Well, I was sitting at home tonight just, um, relaxing, and I decided I should write up a little more about the issue.

  

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I mean, like, man. The government, man. How can the government say we can’t grow a plant in our backyard? That’s kind of messed up when you think about it. The United States is supposed to be all about, like, freedom and stuff, and we can’t grow a plant?

Now I’m not saying I’ve ever tried the stuff…haha…hahahaha. Sorry I’m just in a kind of giggly mood today, I have no idea why. Anyway, what were we talking about again?

Oh right, marijuana. Hahaha. I just think that the people who oppose legalization need to get outside of their own head. You know? Like, if you haven’t even tried it how are you going to tell other people not to do it? That just seems kind of wrong. People should be more open-minded, man. Honestly, if people were more open-minded I think there would be a lot less war and stuff.

Uh…have any of you guys ever been to a rodeo? That seems like it would be kind of ridiculous. Just like, watching people ride around on horses doing tricks and stuff. What do people actually do at a rodeo, anyway? Is there like a winner and loser, or is it just for fun? Honestly I have no idea.

Actually, now that I think about it, isn’t it kind of weird that humans ride around on horses? I’ll bet if God saw that he’d be like…“What the hell you guys? I didn’t make horses to be your damn transportation.” Hahaha, God must be so pissed off at humans honestly.

Could you imagine what it would be like to be God? That would be crazy! You could just like, totally mess with humanity all the time. Like, I think I’d be a pretty nice God overall but I would definitely play some hilarious pranks on people!

Oh man, what if all of history is just a big prank by God! Hahaha, he’s just like, totally messing with us, and we’re still in the Garden of Eden or something and he’s just making it seem like…umm…well wait I don’t know I lost my train of thought…

Anyway I have to go get some snacks but I hope everyone will just chill out and let people do their own thing, you know? That would be so awesome. I’ll have to talk to Barry O about this. I mean, he seems pretty down. We’ll need to have a private…session…to mull this over. Hahaha.

This article is satirical and does not represent a real opinion by this person.