Facing My Fears

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If you follow me on Instagram, then you know I’ve been checking in with a lot of Piyo and TIU workouts. However, what you might not know is that I’m part of an accountability group for the second month in a row. This group was completely free and meant as an encouragement to reach physical, nutrition and personal goals and created by Anna, a Beach Body Coach. We check in every night with how we did on nutrition, our workouts and usually one other question such as sharing something positive or what’s going on in your life.

I did my first group in September and with a little less than a week until the finish I’d seen zero results. I was actually sparked into some self-reflection by a “before and after” picture that Anna posted of one of her clients. I thought – why isn’t that me? I can do this, but why aren’t I? Why have I been “trying” for months but seeing no change? I realized I wasn’t seeing change because I wasn’t putting my all into the program. I was half-assing it and finally recognized why:

Fear.

  

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I am afraid of failing. I am afraid of not being good enough. I am afraid of falling into my old restriction and social isolation patterns. I’m also afraid of succeeding and having to live up to that image and not being able to fail again.

Previously, I had separated my eating issues from my religion. But I came to understand that my actions were actually sinful in nature – selfishness, gluttony and laziness. I don’t want to give up my over-eating habits because in the moment I enjoy it, even if I don’t afterwards – just like many other self-destructive behaviors. I realized that to succeed in becoming the person I want to be, I have to give up the control and have faith in following God. I need to trust that by following in Christ’s footsteps, I will have a more fulfilled and happy life.

I want to emphasize that is how I feel about MY journey and the thoughts going on in MY head when I am making my daily decisions. Not everyone who has issues with food could or should consider it sinful. But I realized that for ME, eating to stuff down my feelings until I felt ill was not how I want to live and not how God wants me to live.

So what do I do? I joined Anna’s group again for this month. And maybe I’ll have to do it another time too. Change is scary. Change takes time, a daily commitment and true introspection. It’s not going to be easy, but I know that if I turn to Christ for strength and guidance I will eventually make a change.

Have you ever let fear hold you back? 

Do you have trouble doing what’s right for you?